Sleeping Beauty is sound asleep

Well, now we know the answer to the pain question--yes. Last night, around midnight I awoke to Everett crying. She was trying to get up out of her bed, to no avail. I scrambled to her aid, but was unsure how to help her. We were finally successful by a combined effort: I sat facing her w/my right leg extended along her side. She braced her front legs against it and pushed herself backward (as though up to a sitting position) while I reached over her and forced my hands under her rib cage. So my arms were the crane to help her get her backend elevated, and when we were successful I was on my left knee hunched over her to one side (her right side, as she'd used my right leg for her prop). Once standing the nubby tail was wagging as usual, and she headed for the door. We went out, peed, and came back to bed. There was no chance I was going back to sleep, which is a good thing because she started crying about 30 minutes later, and we repeated the whole process (poop this time).

Now, when I say crying, I really mean it. I described to my friend Jenny that it sounded like a bird had been hit by a car--screeching its pain for all to hear. Normally when she wakes me up it's a whine or a few snuffles of the nose at the edge of the bed saying, "I need to go out, please." This was something completely different. Tied in to yesterday's obvious discomfort at the hospital?

So here I am, typical owner who is facing the death of a long-time friend, making excuses not to euthanize her. It might just be something temporary. It might be arthritis, which we know she has in her shoulder, so maybe just an increase in her current meds. It might be nothing at all, and maybe I had not heard her prior attempts to wake me, and she was getting desperate.

Her demeanor today was sluggish. The swelling in her face is almost gone--a stranger just meeting her would not even notice it. Her struggles to rise are more pronounced than I've ever seen--even before the arthitis in her shoulder was diagnosed in 2003. I am being completely honest--I do not have the strength to take her in to be euthanized today. I look at her sleeping so soundly here in this picture--probably her first real deep sleep today--and I am scared of making the wrong decision. Is she in pain? I think so. But it might just be over-stressed pain--yesterday was a REALLY long day! So...I am waiting. As I have on other days, I am going to help her do what she wants to do, at her own pace. This afternoon, she just wanted to sit in the sun! I don't feel strong enough to deny her that simple pleasure; at least not yet.